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6 Hidden Signs You Are Dating an Abuser

  • Thu, 14 Sep 2017 16:39

Spotting an abuser is not as easy as it seems. Abusers are good at creating a kind image that shows others how generous and wonderful they are. If you have been dating an abuser for a while, you may not even notice that you are going to build a relationship with a man who is going to turn your life into hell. Abusers have a caring and thoughtful behavior, but the following warning signs will help you indicate his true nature.

1. He rushes into a relationship

You may think it is a love at first sight or simply a short-term infatuation, but if he rushes into a relationship and you feel pressured, it is a red flag. An abuser needs a victim; otherwise, he cannot abuse and feel depressed. If your date has a string of failed short- and long-term relationships and he cannot remember a moment where he spent at least a month without a girlfriend, pay a closer attention to him.

2. He is kind all the time but has strong tantrums

Your date is incredibly sweet and kind all the time, but when he is in a fit of anger you cannot recognize him. An abuser has trouble controlling himself when he is highly angry. The subtle gaslighting and mild manipulation may happen. However, if you greatly disappoint him, he might exact outbursts of violence like yelling and hitting.

3. He becomes super sweet and loving

You may think, “Everything could happen and I get mad at times, too.” Maybe yes and maybe no. We all get angry at times, but not all of us can change so fast. An abuser can be dangerously cruel at one moment and become super sweet and loving the next one. He may yell at you, or worst, hit you and then quickly kiss and hug you so that you stay.

Read also – How to Prepare Yourself for a New Relationship After a Long Break

4. He hides his exes

We all do not want to talk about our ex-partners, but to a certain point. There are times where discussing some moments from the past relationships may help build a new stronger relationship. An abuser is very selective of his victims. He never shows any abusive signs to the people surrounding him. He is just a regular guy who perfectly gets along with other people. But once you fall into his trap, he starts revealing his true face.

5. He tries to set you at odds with your friends

If you have noticed that your friends stop calling or hanging out with you for no obvious reason, it may be because your boyfriend wants it to be this way. He may seemingly accidentally tell your BFF something that she does not need to know or he may set you against your friends. The reality is, he does not want anyone to tell you that your new boyfriend is manipulating or abusing you.

6. You feel like he is pretending

Abusers boast excellent pretending skills. Most importantly, they enjoy playing blame games. If you feel like your date behaves in a strange or even fake way, it is a warning sign. Sometimes faking is inevitable, but if it happens each day, are you sure you want to build a relationship with this man?

Read also – 6 Unexpected Things That Really Matter to Him

If you have already noticed any of these signs in your new boyfriend’s behaviors, it is time to think about whether or not you want to build a long-term relationship with him. Did you ever date an abuser without realizing it? Please share your experience with us.



Harvard Business Review

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